"If only I had the body of Marilyn Monroe", our colleague Simon was once heard to mumble, while incoherent after a tough night on the Appletisers. Now, for him and countless other wannabes, the latest innovation from the Far East will enable you to be the owner of the body you've always wanted, courtesy of some high technology plastic injection moulding.

These headless bodies may at first appear slightly ghoulish, but there's a method in their madness. Simply insert an image of your head in the handily provided slot where the decapitated bonce would have been, and ta-da... you've become a cleavage-enhanced starlet, all flesh and legs and... goodness me, I think I may well need a lie down.

The opportunity for what our American cousins call 'humor' is ofcourse almost infinite with this on your desk. Why stop at an image of yourself, when an image of your gran will deliver better comic value all round? Let your ironic limey wit take the strain - and heaven only knows what you'll come up with.

This is the latest in the fearsomely lifelike BSOMEBODY range, which enables one to substitute the head of a friend, foe or pet onto the perfectly formed pectorals of a world-famous bod. Yes, get down to brass tacks and it's just a desktop photo holder. But, my, it's a desktop photo holder and a half. No lump of metal or wood will do the job half as well as an uber-pneumatic Marilyn Monroe lookylikey ever will. And so say all of us.