Football is dead. Long live Funkix. Now, I know that's a big statement, especially coming from a Crystal Palace supporter, but do bear with me. Funkix is the natural heir and successor to the small, training football for a whole number of reasons. Not least because, rather than being a dumb air-filled bladder, it contains all manner of clever gizmology. Its robust internal electronic brain is perfectly cushioned by thousands of tiny micropellets enclosed in a tough all-terrain shell. Try getting Gary Lineker to say that.

Next, it's easier to control than a football which has the rather annoying habit of, well, rolling away from one. And finally, it's significantly better because you can legitimately use your hands or quite frankly any part of your anatomy to hit it, whack it, kick it, slice it and thump it... just so long as it stays in the air. It's keepy-uppy transplanted into a new century, with no limit on the number of tricks, spins and stunts you can perform.

Needless to say, all that technology deep inside has a clear purpose, using its inbuilt impact recognition system to count the number of hits and the length of each rally, and displaying them on its integrated digital LCD panel. We have seen the future of football. And it's not a ball. Well, sort of.