Oi. What you looking at? Are you looking at my girlfriend? Did you just spill my pint? Such questions strike fear into the heart of many a gadgeteer and, more often than not, it helps to have a little Customer Control expertise on the premises for your personal safety - and that of your valuables.

All of which makes the invention of the USB Bouncer a timely and highly appropriate one, particularly where office pilfering is concerned. Legions of nimble-fingers johnnies think nothing of rifling through your drawers in search of that last Rolo you were saving for afternoon tea. To say nothing of your new video iPod.

Designed to look just like the real thing, complete with penguin suit, dickie bow and black shades, the USB Bouncer is not to be trifled with. With him on your side - or, more properly, your desktop - salvation is at hand.

Simply insert his USB dongle into the nearest port, then activate his magic eye whenever you leave your desk. Swinging into life, he can sense the approach of another human, and shout an aggressive warning in the style of a shaven-headed club doorman.

His lexicon includes a list of classics one may recall from one's student days including: 'You're not welcome here' and, inevitably 'You're cruising for a bruisin'. Magic.

And don't forget - if your name's not down, you're not coming in.